Permission to Kick Ass

Unf*cking your mind and your business with Stacy Raske

• Angie Colee • Episode 177

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Today I'm joined by the incredible Stacy Raske for a deep dive into quite possibly one of my fave topics: mind and business unfuckery. Stacy is a leadership expert and professional speaker, and as an Iraq war veteran, she knows a thing or two about staying sharp under pressure. We cover why you need to manage your energy instead of your time, how to embrace your inner critic, and how to create more leverage in your business. And if you're at the "burn it all down" stage of business, I think you'll get a lot out of this one. 

Can't-miss moments:

  • Feeling stuck, and like you want to burn it all down? Stacy shares a powerful exercise that can jolt you out of “survival brain” mode (and it's surprisingly easy to do, any time, anywhere)...

  • Zone of genius vs your superpower: if you love doing the work but find yourself low on energy, you might not actually be working in your genius zone. Stacy reveals how to tell the difference (and how to get yourself back on track)...

  • "Fake it until you make it" advice has gone completely off the rails! Stacy and I agree: stop pretending like you’ve done shit you haven’t just to impress potential clients. Here’s what to do instead...

  • You know you don’t actually HAVE to take Zoom meetings? Here’s a shockingly obvious substitute Stacy uses to help keep her energy high... 

  • The myth of "I'll do it when..." is keeping you safe AND keeping you stuck. Stacy shares a cautionary tale on what happens when you allow your fears to drive the bus for you... 

Stacy's bio:

Stacy Raske is a bestselling author, professional speaker, and Iraq War Veteran specializing in leadership and performance optimization, executive and mindset coaching, and business and brand strategy to help you BE the leader you’d be inspired to follow. She helps you take control of your mindset, energy, and time, and master your focus to succeed and impact more by doing less. Her expertise in system and process automation, combined with her extensive life and leadership experience, enables her to offer a unique perspective and practical tools for rapid results.

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Angie Colee:

Welcome to Permission to Kick Ass, the show that gives you a virtual seat at the bar for the real conversations that happen between entrepreneurs. I'm interviewing all kinds of business owners, from those just a few years into freelancing to CEOs helming nine figure companies. If you've ever worried that everyone else just seems to get it and you're missing something or messing things up, this show is for you. I'm your host, angie Coley, and let's get to it. Hey, and welcome back to Permission to Kick Ass. With me today is my new friend, stacey Raske. Say hi, hi. Oh, I'm so excited for this one we were just talking about before we started recording, how it's so nice when you get to show up and just be yourself and develop genuine connections, and that's how this podcast came about. Somebody's like you need to meet Stacey, and when I met Stacey I was like you need to be on the podcast. And here we are.

Stacy Raske:

So true, those are the best right when it's just those authentic connections and it's just real meets real and we just get to create some more awesomeness together.

Angie Colee:

Yes, yeah, no, awesomeness amplified. I love it. So tell us a little bit about your business and what you do.

Stacy Raske:

Well, businesses say the CliffsNotes version for efficient networking is mind and business unfuckery, as that helps me. You know, know who my people are, and if you get it, you get it. You're like, oh, I need you. And then other people like, uh, I don't get it, I think it's okay, you don't need to. However, the PC elevator pitch version I help high performing leaders and organizations implement the systems they need to elevate performance, people and profit, and a lot of times it's as simple as time, sometimes it's team, sometimes it's tech, so that it allows me to kind of go both directions, whether it's the advising, consulting, mentorship, coaching side of what I do, leadership development side of what I do, or the business systems and automations side of what I do, and so there's a lot of marriage between the two. Sometimes they're segregated, just depends.

Angie Colee:

Yep, Yep. I see things very similarly. I've told people when your business isn't working, there's something wrong with the people, the process or the profit. We like peas the both of us, we do.

Stacy Raske:

I think we just like alliteration.

Angie Colee:

That is true. The writer in me is very, very satisfied with it and plays on words. Those were always my favorite. I have tools from when I was a corporate copywriter the rhyming dictionary, the thesaurus, the idiom dictionary, and yeah, that's, and if we can acronym- something you know.

Stacy Raske:

My military, my military background is if there's an acronym for everything.

Angie Colee:

Well, I, like I. I gotta say, after hearing both versions of that, I definitely prefer mind and biz. Unfuckery, yes, fantastic.

Stacy Raske:

Thank you. Yes, I like that one too, but it is it's it's very process driven right, but it is, it's it's very process driven right and it is, it's it's. There's always a simple pathways to getting the result you want and in those simple pathways it helps create that safety and structure to eliminate how you're feeling in the moment.

Angie Colee:

I love that. You mentioned it briefly, but that's an interesting trajectory to go from military to business and mindset coach. Like what was that journey like? Did you know immediately when you got out of the military this is where you're going, or no, I'm curious.

Stacy Raske:

No, I went back to the should pathway when I got out. So I was medically discharged at the early 2004 after my tour in Iraq and so I went right back to college, just right back to the should. You know the same pathway I was beat into my head from early in life You're going to go to college and graduate from high school. You're going to go to college. You're going to get a safe job. That's corporate, corporate safe job that pays well. And so I did. I got my four-year degree in three years as a non-traditional student and then was recruited by big pharma. So I was an IMA, recovering pharmaceutical chemist.

Stacy Raske:

Yeah, so that was a very, very unhealthy, toxic work environment. That was just compounded. It was one variable that created like this perfect storm to my rock bottom moment, which was 10 years ago, and I there was, which I'm super grateful for, by the way. I mean I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now, because it was that big catalyst to investing in myself, which then people started noticing, because when you lose half your body weight, people notice. You know, like, what are you doing? Teach me how to do it. So I got certified as a coach and kind of started that pathway of being of service, which I've always been called to do, but it's one of those industries where you've got to be a product of your product, which means you have to be doing the work and you have to be not only my own first client but eventually always consistently investing in anywhere from one to four coaches or mentors or advisors or professionals at any given time to continue my own growth and expansion. I have spent so much money on coaching.

Stacy Raske:

Yeah, I'm like every one of my clients. I'm like whatever you're getting is a steal for what I've been.

Angie Colee:

I've even seen it, like last year, going over books for taxes and my, my accountants going OK. Well, the percentage expenditure that you're making on coaching and live events has increased a little bit and I'm like it's investment, it will pay off in the future. It's fine. Well, we like to see it at this percentage of the revenue. Well, not this year, it's more this year.

Stacy Raske:

But I think it's interesting because too many people get lost in how much of that directly translates into a financial ROI. You know, I mean how many events you go to that, even if you're there to learn nothing, it's all about who you get to meet and you know, even when you and I were chatting before getting on, I'm like now I'm doing all these virtual coffees and just showing up free of attachment and expectation and people are like, oh my gosh, I need what you're doing. Let's book a sales call.

Angie Colee:

And I'm like, let's do it, yes, so I held myself back for too long under this delusion of you know you talked about the should pathway. I did the same thing when I went back and got my master's degree. I don't know what else to do, so I should go back to school and figure it out, right? And then I came out of that with a business degree and this idea of what constitutes professionalism and even, like when I started this show, I was running into some difficulty with promoting posts on Facebook and stuff like that, because they don't like the word ass.

Stacy Raske:

Apparently it's such a no-no, You're swearing the name of my book either. I can't run ads for my book I don't know.

Angie Colee:

Well, drop the name of the book. You mentioned it.

Stacy Raske:

Tell us Be a boss and fire that bitch.

Angie Colee:

Yes, so yeah, those of us that choose sweary words, we are definitely up against the odds when it comes to paying for advertisement, and you know what some jack off said to me?

Stacy Raske:

well, you should just change it to permission to kick butt. No, sir, no, no, absolutely not. Even my devoutly, devoutly religious friends are like you must read, like I know it's got a word, but it's because that's how strong that inner critic is, and it's, you know, and that's the subtitle. It's quiet your inner critic and finally believe you're good enough, because what you're learning to do is fire the bitch voice, and actually what you're really doing is making friends with it, because it's a messenger.

Angie Colee:

I do. I like that idea of the concept that like, when this pops up, the inner critic. I heard somebody it's so funny how all this synergy works, but I heard somebody say recently that means that you already do love yourself. For those of you that are on a journey to like learn to love yourself when your critic pops up, why do you keep trying? Right, because some part of you does love yourself and the critic is just trying to help you get there, even though it's firing off in you know, frankly, quite mean and stressy kind of ways sometimes. Right, but that little voice is there to help you find the way forward and if you can find a way to not get shut down by it and actually take action on it, you can grow from it.

Stacy Raske:

Yeah, I always look at it as it's this messenger of telling you exactly where that growth edge is. And it's somewhere internal, because if it's, if it's a no, no, don't do that. Or a who are you? Or the? You know, whatever the storyline is, that it's coming, or even something as simple as perfection or procrastination, there's a story that we consistently play. So when that's happening, it helps you understand. Okay, am I in survival mode right now? If I, my stress is activated, my fight, flight, freeze or fawn. I am incapable of moving from scarcity and fear into love and abundance. So it's a messenger.

Angie Colee:

Yeah, and that's important to acknowledge too, like there's a lot of times where it is not possible for you to alter the state that you're in, and that's okay. That's where self-compassion comes in, that's where self-exploration comes in, for now is not forever For any given state that you're in, whether you're all fired up and ready to go or you're super sad like these things will pass.

Stacy Raske:

We just need to have faith in that faith in ourselves and just keep moving forward. And then there's other times where you can activate a state change by simply changing your posture changing your movement engaging your senses right.

Stacy Raske:

Like any of those opportunities. I mean, that's the big thing that I really leaned into this year in again being my own first client. I'm like, okay, I see where, when I go into stress mode, as this beautifully super powered neurodivergent as many of us are, with all these awesome capabilities, that there's acronyms for right, the ADDs, the ADHD, the ASD and the BPDs and the.

Angie Colee:

I like neuro spicy.

Stacy Raske:

Neuro spicy right? I do love that you use neuro spicy, even the PTSD, right? So it's all of those things. It's all about regulating the nervous system, and the fastest way to do that is by engaging your senses, right? Everybody says you just need to get out of your head and into your body, but let's be more basal than that. And you just put your two fingertips together and you just start rubbing them with such intensity that you can feel the ridges on both fingertips.

Angie Colee:

Can I be so honest right now? This reminds me of the first time I got high right I'm pretty sure I did that too.

Stacy Raske:

Oh that ridges in my fingertips on your fingertips or when you know a lot of people will use breath work or breathing techniques, but it's about feeling, the sensation in the body, in a deeper way. So what is the? Temperature of the air going in the nostrils versus the temperature of the air going out, right, so it's you notice how you anchor it and this isn't a I'm checking the box and doing it, it is a oh, I'm focusing on the experience of it.

Stacy Raske:

The cool thing is when you get that focused in, that present with your senses, and you can do it with sound, you can do it with smell or taste. You can even just sit and try to find each of your toes and your feet. You're like, oh, where are my toes at in my space right now? But when you get that deeply present, it turns off survival. Yes, like a light switch.

Angie Colee:

Yes, I heard somebody describe that as remembering. Like being present allows you to acknowledge that you are safe. Like I mean, there are situations where you're not actually safe. Like we're not talking about being, you know, meditative. If somebody's chasing you with a knife, no, please run, absolutely, save yourself. But, like for most of us, when we're feeling that fight or flight, we're sitting at a. Like right now we're sitting at a desk getting ready to type up a letter, getting ready to hop on a call, something that is not actually dangerous. And we got to just tell ourselves, like, right here, with this butt in the chair, I'm not in danger. It feels dangerous. I am not in danger. I am here, I feel this chair, I feel my fingertips, I feel my toes, we are safe.

Stacy Raske:

And that's it. You are turning off survival brain, because survival brain kicks in when you feel unsafe and that activates the stress response and we see it all day long is fight, flight, freeze, and fun is every one of our sabotaging behaviors, aka control issues are happening because we don't feel safe. So what do we do? We go into control as an attempt to create safety outside, sometimes through these different actions, even if that is inaction, because we're in freeze. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Or procrastinating, which is also freeze.

Angie Colee:

Yeah, that's in perfectionism. Think ties in with that perfectly, and that's like you. I think you said this earlier, but talking about this is an indication that you really care.

Stacy Raske:

You go into the control because you care, and there's a lot, too, that need to create safety. That's coming from that high level of empathy, right, but it's also needing to create safety because most high empathy people also have this deep insecurity. Because we learned to deal with stress and trauma as a kid by paying attention to external things. So we turn into the people pleaser, which means our identity becomes attached to external things. So when we're struggling in that space that we care, it is because our identity is still tied so much to external performance or external conditions. What will they think of me?

Stacy Raske:

Well, there's a reason that has been part of our survival programming. So, like we're not sitting, people just get stuck. I'm such a people pleaser, or why is this so hard? And I'm like. But we've got to understand where this comes from and why we do it, and for me, this is the simplest pathway to getting changing the behavior. That will help get down to the root of the iceberg, to change the beliefs, which is, if you turn off survival, you won't go into this cascade of needing to create safety with behaviors that kept you alive. Yep, it did its job, it kept you alive, but at this point it's all about certainty. Well, your primitive brain is certain. You'll survive, even if this is not serving you or your business goals.

Angie Colee:

Well, you know, I'll go back to. One thing that I wrote down and wanted to circle back to is when you talked about ROI, because I've been in that trap and I think it ties to the judgment of what other people will think of us and people pleasing as well, Because my own coach said this to me, I think, just a couple months ago. Remember there are other forms of ROI with people working with you than just dollars in dollars out, and I was like what do you mean? I am a direct response copywriter and a marketing strategist and of course, I need to be able to tell people if you invest X dollars with me, you can expect Y dollars in return and he goes. And they can also expect clear strategy ideas and inspiration. They can get their work done faster, buy back some of their time, Like.

Angie Colee:

There's a lot of other benefits to somebody working with you than ROI, and I think that's true for a lot of businesses. But it's so easy to get caught up in the messaging that we get all over the internet of like money, money, money, money, money. That's not all there is.

Stacy Raske:

That is not, not at all.

Angie Colee:

And it is.

Stacy Raske:

it's hitting into all of those pain points, but this is the missing piece. When people go into their crafting their ideal client avatar, they often miss. You know, they'll talk about the pain points, they'll talk about the results, but what they forget to talk about is what are the benefits of those results?

Stacy Raske:

And so as we're going a little deeper into painting that picture. Now that becomes the language you're using, right, as a copywriter or for your own stuff. That becomes the language you're using. I always say is what, if you work with women, you know, and you're doing that inner work, what is she calling up her girlfriend, you know, and talking about bitching about over a glass of wine with her girlfriend, right? Or you know, if you're dealing with businesses or teams, what are the employees bitching about at the water cooler? You know, right, those are the thing and it's using their language around it. But it's so interesting how many people forget because I'm sure you're having to teach them this all the time is getting into. What are the benefits of those results? Sure, they want more time, but what does this mean? This is oh, now they can actually be present with their spouse. Now they can, you know, go to their kid's game Like what does that time allow them to do?

Angie Colee:

I feel like that's fantastic and that's calling up Okay. So I'm just going to give this strategy away for anybody that's listening. If you don't talk to your people, then talk to your people. You'd be surprised what comes up. When you just go to people and say, hey, you know, I'm trying to put into words what exactly it is that I help people with and I loved the work that we did together. I'd love to get your thoughts on this. If that makes you deathly afraid, like I can't ask somebody how I did, then hire someone.

Angie Colee:

There are people out there that will go interview your folks, and I actually did this for a client once too, where I was the one going and interviewing her clients to hear what they loved about working with her. And I framed it as this is just between us. She's not going to know who said what. I'm not going to be like oh, did you hear what so-and-so said about working with you? No, that's not what this is about, but I just want to hear in your own words what is working for you, what you love, what keeps you coming back here, what the experience is like. Right, and when you interview somebody, live like that, on the spot, and they're forced to articulate themselves. That's what I love about this show too. You spit gold when you can be unscripted and just be yourself and lean into that thing. That's got you fired up or furious or whatever.

Stacy Raske:

Like human, I love it Well, and that's why I always record my even my virtual coffees and my coaching calls and things. Now it's using that video content and I trained my AI bot to find just those gold nugget quotes from me not their stuff, but just that genius. That happens because it's the right mix of energy and something comes out in this really powerful way and it's like let's get that snippet and turn it into content.

Angie Colee:

I love that. I love that, see, we can move much more fast. I love that. I love that, see, we can move much more fast, much more multi-purpose these days and never let it be all about the one thing. I don't even know if that's clear the way that I said that, but I feel like we've spent so much time in the past getting used to the fact that I have to create an email, and now I have to create a video, and now I have to create this. You can create a video and turn it into 20 different things.

Stacy Raske:

Yeah, it's all about leverage, and AI is one of those leverage tools. Automation is one of those leverage tools, you know. I mean just any opportunity to say one. If there's something you're doing more than once, can you automate it, yep, and if there's something that you're doing one time, can you turn it into multiple impact opportunities. So it's one one, one to many, right, one to many, whether it's one to many with your team, one to many with, like you just said, with your content strategy that you did right, so good, but it is. It's it's crafting that leverage point. People just get so bogged into the trap of I need to better manage my time and I'm like do you want to trade time for money? No, then why are you managing your time? And they're like what?

Angie Colee:

Yeah, it was like the lifestyle that I want to live is not recreating my old job for myself. My old job, by the way, had me working 18 to 20 hour days, sometimes at crunch time, and you know why. Like this was the eye opener for me because I would never let anything break, because I was a perfectionist. I could see the problems coming and I would just work extra hard to prevent those things from happening. And, as a result, did I get a reward with time off? No, angie's really efficient at all this stuff. She gets more work.

Angie Colee:

I have zero desire to recreate that for myself now that I'm my own boss. Nope, we're going to implement Parkinson's law here and it's going to take the time that I give it, and after that I'm going to go rest, because I'm a human and I deserve rest. I don't have to earn it. That's the fabulous thing. I don't have to earn any of these things that I want for myself, and it's okay to want because you're a human being and human beings want things. I don't know why that one came out, but apparently it's coming out.

Stacy Raske:

So there you go. Well, there's nothing wrong with the things or the experiences. I always say it's the be, do, have and experience, because I think fundamentally, that's the benefit of the result right, the results to have, but it's really for the experience. So I'm sure people are going to ask what do you manage if you're not managing your time? Well, it's manage your energy. Not managing your time well, yeah, it's manage your energy. That's a renewable resource, just like, and that's where you leverage. So, when you're starting to curate your schedule based on how, what energizes you, and then the things that drain you, which sometimes, mind you, are your superpowers. You might be great at something, but if it drains you, it is a superpower and not your zone of genius. Your zone of genius is your. Your 20%, that is your 20%. They get you 80% of the results is your genius. And it feels effortless. And it's why most of us undervalue it, because it feels, yes, and it feels effortless. And it's why most of us undervalue it, because it feels.

Angie Colee:

That's my biggest pet peeve is how many of us are wandering around operating under this. It's a delusion, quite frankly, but because it's easy for me it's not valuable. It's a capitalist like yeah exactly.

Stacy Raske:

But that's the old programming that says I must struggle, suffer, sacrifice to prove my worth or desirability, which is total bullshit and a whole nother episode.

Angie Colee:

Yes, oh yes.

Stacy Raske:

Oh, yes, so, but it is. It's managing your energy pepper between things that energize you, or this is where more of the leverage comes in. With technology or team is well, you can always eliminate it because there's a lot of just crap we don't need to do because it's our perfectionist brain or whatever you need to do, you don't. But that's when you delegate to team or delegate to hiring somebody like you to say, write my copy or automate. You hire somebody like me that's going to say, hey, let's get your systems dialed in to where we're sabotage, proofing your success, because the systems are going to run. Regardless of how you feel today, you're still good and taking care.

Angie Colee:

I love that so much.

Stacy Raske:

Side note, here's the missing piece Everybody. Nobody talks about is alternate. So they'll always say eliminate, delegate, automate. But my fourth is alternate and it's finding an alternate version of a task that does energize you. So, for example, if Zoom meetings drain, you move it to in-person, if you can, if the in-person ones light you up. Yeah, there you go, it's an alternate. I love that.

Angie Colee:

Why did I never even think about that? I don't know. I just popped in my brain.

Stacy Raske:

One day I was like oh, let's swap C's swap seas. Okay, let me rhyme that alternate alternate.

Angie Colee:

Yeah well, I mean, I love in-person meetings and those are a special kind of draining too. I'm I'm actually an ambivert, not an extrovert, although a lot of people all ambivert, yeah really, I think so, really, I think so. No, I mean, I know some true extroverts, but yeah, yeah most of us are ambiverts yeah, there's definitely situations where I get energy from people, in certain situations, like I've been to masterminds for three days, where by day three I'm like I love all of you dearly go away.

Stacy Raske:

I need to be by myself. Yeah, I've gotten good at managing my energy and just really good with my boundary bubble and being in control of like nobody can steal my energy. I'm not good with my boundary bubble and being in control of like nobody can steal my energy. I'm not taking on anybody else's shit Like. I take my breaks, I leave, I go outside, I do my. You know I had to learn. I love that you gotta learn.

Angie Colee:

I feel like that ties in perfectly to another thing that I wrote down and underlined several times which was being your own being your first clients times. Which was being your own being your first clients. Did that, did that, like pop into your head too? Or was that just born out of knowing that you needed to go through the process in order to take other people through it?

Stacy Raske:

Well, hindsight is where I recognized I was my first client and it's basically at the end of the day, you know and this is just might be part of my own values, right when being in integrity is important, and so if I've not, if I'm not walking the path, I'm not able to guide others on it, and it's just about being in integrity, you know, not being one of those coaches, trainers, mentors, advisors, who's telling you how to build a you know eight figure business when they've never made one. Now there's massaging numbers. They might have an industry where, if you take that and create, you know, plug that in over the industry over here that somebody else is in the percentages and the numbers would relate. So I mean, we can science the shit out of anything to make it legit. So just saying, however, for the most part, so I'm not gonna. So you know, cause I know somebody's gonna be like well, you know what I'm saying here, let's not go down that road.

Stacy Raske:

So, but it is. It's if you've not done those things, you know why are you gonna sell that. You know why. Why are you going to sell that? You know if you've not made, been paid, you know five or six figures to speak on a stage, how are you selling a course or a program to teach others to do the same thing?

Angie Colee:

And I feel like that's where. Fake it until you make it has gone off the fricking rails. Yeah, you know, all you have to do is have the confidence. Well, yeah, and experience counts for something too, and you can get experience in anything that you want to do, but don't pretend like you've done more than you have.

Stacy Raske:

You're only doing yourself and your clients right. There's nothing wrong with the person who's just starting to build their speaking career and is also great at helping others. Do it Just not positioning in your creative copywriting to make it look, or your social media highlight reel, right? Make it look like it's more, that you're selling more than what you've done.

Stacy Raske:

That's it, and there's such an integrity which is why I've kind of broke up with the word coach, because I'm just like but that's my thing is like I want, I need to be very embodied as a leader. I know that is part of my journey and it's just teaching other people Well, sorry, showing other people right being that example for other people of what an embodied leadership means for them on their journey, yeah, in their industry.

Angie Colee:

Yeah, I love that. I think it's important to show people what it is versus just tell them how to do it. I think that's the other key difference with what you're talking about. Somebody that doesn't have the experience in one way or another is basically just telling you what to do, where it's always been much more impactful to show people. That's how we are as humans Action.

Stacy Raske:

Yeah, taking action. So I always got better results working with like coaches and mentors and spiritual advisors and things faster results than I did in, say, like therapy, where it's a lot of like regurgitating the same stuff.

Angie Colee:

Yeah, I like. I think it's the combination. If I had to articulate why I prefer coaching over therapy, is that it's not just about surfacing the feelings, it's about moving through it and taking action to get to the next step. And that's what I like my coaches. I've hired every single one of them for there's nowhere to hide. Please hold my feet to the fire, because that's who I want to be over there. And if I'm left to my own devices, I tend to make excuses as to why I can't be her so like. Please help me, be brave enough to step up into her and not avoid the things that I'm afraid of. So that's.

Stacy Raske:

that's why I like that. You already are it's what is that? Bullshit story, belief or programming paradigm that's not yours, that you're still buying into. Yeah, that's, that's what's getting in the way. Like you're not getting in your way. It's just a programming. You know, we're always updating our phones and our software on our, you know, our computer. That's all it is. We just are updating our software and sometimes our hardware too.

Angie Colee:

Update and reboot, update and reboot, so okay. So you obviously have been in this game whether we want to call it coaching or not um, for a long, long time. No, and I'm with you like the. The word coach has been kind of diluted to the point of almost meaningless. You can be a coach on how to get greener grass right, and if that's you, I'm not making fun of you, but I'm kind of making fun of you, but I love you.

Stacy Raske:

I mean it's still a transformation right.

Angie Colee:

It's true, it's true, it's true, so you've been doing this for a while. The grass is greener.

Stacy Raske:

Yes, so you've been doing this for a while. The grass is greener, yes, so I couldn't help myself.

Angie Colee:

Always on the other side.

Stacy Raske:

I couldn't help myself.

Angie Colee:

Well, I mean speaking of so, was it, was it? It's going to be a stupidly phrased question, but I'm going to just say it anyway. Was it all sunshine and roses from the moment that you jumped into this career, or were there some moments where you?

Stacy Raske:

were like fuck this, I'm done. Yeah, for sure, I needed to burn it all down. I've been through a few of those what I call phoenix moments.

Angie Colee:

Yeah, I like that, that iconography imagery, yeah, one of those.

Stacy Raske:

Yes, well, and that's what it was, is it? You know this this last time? So here we are at. The recording of this is is april 24, the last time I went through a deep burn, this shit to the ground moment, my big phoenix moment.

Stacy Raske:

This last time was September 22 and something had happened in July of 22 that just really shook me to the core because it was the first time that I had gone into participating in a larger networking group and I was all in because this was my first time being in a room filled with people just like myself, until I realized over time I was like, okay, there's a lot of value. But as I got deeper into this ecosystem, which I fully opened up to, I invested in emotionally because I was never really emotionally connected to my family. So I was like it's my entrepreneur family, we're all fucked up and it's awesome and we're doing our work. It's amazing, we're all high speed, we can keep up with each other in conversation and I'm not weird, right? Yeah, I'm not weird, we're all big thinkers and visionaries.

Stacy Raske:

So there was a big shakeup where it triggered a lot of junk in me and what was coming up that it took me like three months to figure out was the junk. It was bringing up was all my family trauma, where I opened myself up emotionally. You know where they're preaching this is your family of choice and all of this stuff. And basically that family broke up in July and it was a lot of just stuff and I was like, oh my God, it's like divorce thing and just like this is like a family breakup. This is like so weird. But it was my own trauma. In right, we're talking about the inner critic. The messenger was this is what's coming.

Stacy Raske:

Well, it took me sitting in the suffering. And I was sitting in the suffering and it's like it was a stress. It was there. I had to respond. I was like, yeah, whatever. And I'm just rationalizing and I'm going through work and we're just going through the motions, and this burn it down moment came from ignoring the depths and breadth of what I was experiencing, what I was feeling, and people need to understand we have the emotion, which is the trigger, right. The initial response is this physiological, neurological response. The feeling is the story we tell ourselves about it, the meaning we assign and the story that I was starting to really kind of tell myself around what like? I'm feeling this discontent, I'm feeling all this old junk coming out, and then I'm hyper-rational oh, you know, it's fine, whatever. So basically, I'm staying in this ecosystem that is massively out of alignment and integrity with me. That's the pain I needed. The second, I was triggered to leave, and from a childhood that's like a big T trauma, right? I can rationalize out of any red flag, right?

Angie Colee:

So we all do so I'm like no, I was going to say me too.

Stacy Raske:

No, we all do Right. So I'm like, no, it's me, it's my shit, like I need to stay. This was the lie that I'm telling myself and ignoring the feeling that no, no, this is massively out of alignment and integrity, and my staying there and rejecting of my truth impacted everything. This was catching up with my health because I am in a rapidly unsafe stress response. It's crazy, like high level stress. This is impacting my business. This is impacting my marriage. Like I am melting down inside, getting to this complete breakdown, burn it down.

Stacy Raske:

But I didn't realize when I hit that breakdown, burn it down point that it was an internal problem. I was for weeks and weeks and weeks and my fucking business, I hate it, I just want. I'm so over it. I'm done, right, I'm projecting outwards, I'm done, I am ready to just hit, delete and burn it all to the ground. And what I was ignoring was the fact that what was burning away was the version of myself that no longer served me, and until I accepted my truth and said, oh, I, old me says no, no, it's you, just stay. Yeah, right. And that was this old trauma story that needed to burn away and it was part of that old wounded identity and I created this external experience of pain because I was ignoring my truth, and so I tell people all the time every battle you are fighting externally is a symptom of the war you're waging against yourself oh, oh, it's just, it's powerful.

Angie Colee:

We're just going to sit with that for a second, but I do. I agree with you that a lot of the stuff that we are suffering from is some sort of manifestation or expression of of old stories that we are having trouble letting go of. Right, and so you know and this is not to make light of trauma or anything, because I definitely know that we are all suffering to one extent or another but it also can mean that you see a boogeyman that's not actually there, like the, the trigger response from feeling the trauma can lead to. I've seen that I'm trying to articulate myself on this one, but, like I've seen it with newer copywriters that I've coached, who are starting their business, where, like, they instantly jumped to the conclusion that this person was laid on a payment, so they're trying to screw me.

Angie Colee:

This person said this to me and so they're trying to do X. Yeah, like we're. We're ascribing intent. Yeah, like ascribing intent to other people, and I was like my life changed when I went. I don't know their intent, I'm just going to assume that it's positive and we're going to get to the bottom of this, because I like this person and I think they like me, and if they don't, well then that'll become obvious pretty soon, won't it?

Stacy Raske:

Yeah, yeah, well, and it is it has some evidence, it's focusing on what you actually have control over, which is yourself.

Stacy Raske:

So when you clarify that boundaries are about what you will and will not allow in your bubble and you cannot control somebody else's behavior, then if they're late on a payment, you just have to focus on your boundary of okay. Are you communicating with them about said boundary? Have you clarified your late payment rules in advance? And if this is the first time, then you're like oh shit, maybe I need to have a late payment clause. Okay, cool, that's what you have control over. Moving forward, you can nudge, nudge, nudge. How many times and at what point do you hold your boundaries and say, guess what, I'm not working on your project Even now. I'm not working on your projects until you make payment. Not working on your project Even now. I'm not working on your projects until you make payment. Super simple.

Angie Colee:

Love you, peace out Like, and that's you get to decide that you can. You can let go of all of the intention and the stress behind that and be like well, cool, this route is not one that I'm willing to pursue anymore. It's causing me too much stress, too much anxiety. It's not actually paying off. I'm going to go follow this other person that I like over here a hell of a lot more and be like can we do some more projects together? I got some space that just opened up in my calendar.

Stacy Raske:

It's amazing how that works Right and it is, and there's a lot of discomfort and it's super scary letting go of what's keeping you safe in order to receive what it is that you want.

Angie Colee:

Because a lot of the stuff that keeps you safe keeps you stuck. Oh, I love that. That's genius. I heard somebody once, and this one changed my life when they unpacked it for me. Nature abhors a vacuum right, and to me that meant I have to create the space for some opportunity to come up and fill that. I have to be the one that says okay, jumping off the cliff. Now I trust myself to figure it out on the way down. Here we go, going to have fun. Every single time I've landed on my feet, guys. Every time, every time, every time, I'm still here.

Stacy Raske:

It's as simple as just leaning back. That's it. It creates a vacuum, right? This is the difference between the masculine energy of action and leaning forward and chasing, versus leaning back, activating the feminine and moving into attraction it creates the vacuum.

Angie Colee:

I've never heard a phrase that way.

Stacy Raske:

Oh yeah, like I could go. That'd be a whole nother episode talking about bringing in the energetics of success, but it is. That's how you create a vacuum. But it's as simple as because you know, hustle culture is like keep your foot on the gas, no, no, let's coast a little bit, like you don't even have to pump the brakes, but you just relax a second. But that creates the vacuum.

Angie Colee:

It's beautiful stuff. We don't have to be peddled to the metal all the time we can drift. Sometimes there's a big truck floating on by. Let me get in there weak.

Stacy Raske:

Thank you, Days of Thunder, for teaching us all how to draft.

Angie Colee:

Well, that comes from. I have two parents who are longtime truck drivers, and so I grew up with the likes of convoy. Well, I didn't see Convoy until last year. That was fascinating. But Smokey and the Bandit, yeah, oh yeah. Over the top, yeah the trucker drama.

Stacy Raske:

We even had Sylvester Stallone.

Angie Colee:

Or Burt Reynolds, mr Mustache, oh yeah, and Jerry Reid. Well, tangent City. All of this, I think, just further reinforces this idea of it doesn't have to be perfect. Just get put yourself out there and trust yourself to figure it out, because you've survived 100% of things that life has thrown your way so far, to be perfectly cliche. But you're here, I'm here, we're here.

Stacy Raske:

Let's do the damn thing. Survivor, what is the worst thing that can happen, and I know what that is, and it is regret of not living up to my full potential, you know. I love my mom dearly and she's a great example of the. I'll do it when.

Angie Colee:

She's always waited.

Stacy Raske:

I mean there's been a couple big things she's done and yet the big purpose-driven things for her the big impact, calling things for her? No, you know, and she's so amazing until someday, yeah, so amazing, and I'm not sure at 60 plus years. If there's gonna be a, well, she's 66 this year, 67 this year. You know is there. Are we going to hit that some? I'll do it. When do we do we hit when?

Angie Colee:

well, and I think, like we, I think a lot of the times we ask ourselves what's the worst that can happen. Then we can go into catastrophic thinking. I'm very conscious these days of doing what I call swinging the pendulum okay, well, well, if we went all the way over here into what are all my worst case scenarios, now I need to swing it back over here into what are all my best case scenarios and like balance the way. It's not just bad.

Stacy Raske:

But that goes back to that activating the census to turn off the scarcity mode, because, remember. To that activating the senses to turn off the scarcity mode, because, remember, you cannot find abundance in that state of survival, it is only here in scarcity. So if you're swinging the pendulum, make sure you do those little exercises that I saw turn in the throne you can turn on the abundance and then you'll see what if in a positive light, yes oh, I love this.

Angie Colee:

I kind of want to keep ranting for like four more hours, but I think we're going to just have to have a follow-up. We mentioned like three or four spare topics in this one just offhand, so in the meantime, thank you for being such an awesome guest. Please tell us where can we learn more about you and your business? Drop the links.

Stacy Raske:

Oh, you are so welcome. Thank you for having me. This is such a great chat. I knew it would be this co-creative awesomeness beyond like next level stuff. So the simplest thing is stacyraskicom. That'll always have kind of whatever. The most pressing thing is we're focusing on as far as events, workshops, whatever Could be a link tree who knows? It'll just guide you in the right direction. And then on all of the respective socials, thank God I was born with a branded name Stacey Rasky. On all of the socials, and it is me.

Angie Colee:

And if you message me.

Stacy Raske:

If you DM me, I will respond to you. Fantastic.

Angie Colee:

I feel that, too, there's not other Angie Coley's out there that I know, so it's wonderful being branded like that. I will make sure that there are clickable links in the show notes so that they can find you as easily as possible, and thank you so much for being a wonderful guest.

Stacy Raske:

You're welcome. Thanks for having me.

Angie Colee:

That's all for now. If you want to keep that kick-ass energy high, please take a minute to share this episode with someone that might need a high-octane dose of you Can Do it. Don't forget to rate, review and subscribe to the Permission to Kick-Ass podcast on Apple Podcasts, spotify and wherever you stream your podcasts. I'm your host, angie Coley, and I'm here rooting for you. Thanks for listening and let's go kick some ass.